I’ve seen it. I have experienced the corruption, too. I allowed it to corrupt my marriage. Most of us men are so inept of physical intimacy, and the reason is we think we know all there is to know about it. We think we have it all figured out. A lot of what we know about sex we have derived from porn. Most all of the sex talks from public school have been an utter failure in explaining the design of intimacy between a husband and wife. We don’t know what to say or how to explain it to our children. Honestly, how can words describe it when most of us don’t live it out in the way God intended it to be?
A few weeks before I was married, my best man handed me a book and said, “You have to read this before you get married.” (The books were Intended for Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat for me and Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus for my wife.) I thought I knew all that there was to know about intimacy, sex, and all the “stuff.” After reading the book I was, well, kind of enlightened. I had come to realize that I really did not know very much or anything at all. It is sad to think about now. Where did I get my education anyway? Where did the people in my life, the teachers, my friends, even my own dad learn what they know? Pornography is a sorry example of sex or lovemaking or whatever you want to call it. I remember some of the things that I had seen, and I thought, “She does not look like she is enjoying that!” And all the language, the “dirty” talk, what is that all about? So much of it is faked. So much of the feeling, the pleasure that is acted out, is just ridiculous. So why do we (both men and women) keep returning to it?
When my heart and the heart of my wife is not into the physical part of our lovemaking, then it becomes just sex. It looses the emotional depth that makes intimacy so great. 🙂 When our hearts and emotions and our minds are focused on the feelings and enjoyment of our spouse. it becomes the intimate act that God intended it to be. I become so enthralled with her that I am beyond amazement. My wife knows that I am there, all of me.
From porn, from past relationships, to the gal I had seen earlier that day, those thoughts rob us of the full enjoyment of sexually coming together. Thoughts come in and “interrupt.” Women have the same problems of being “interrupted” but for most women the thoughts are of a different nature. They are of life. They are about responsibilities of what needs to be done or thoughts of what somebody had said to them. Why can we not focus on where we are? Why are we so “interrupted?” What can we do to enjoy being naked with our spouse?
By living a HOLY life.
I am a sinner; I always will be. Yes, I have been forgiven, saved by grace. But the consequences of my sins are going to haunt me as long as I let them. To the extent and frequency that I choose to sin, in any way, there are going to be the consequences, the “interruptions” that take away from the ultimate pleasure of His design. It saddens me to think about.
And then there are the lies, the lies from the world, the lies from our friends, from even our own spouse. Satan has been known to even throw some lies into the pool, too. We, as a whole, have allowed everyone into the most intimate emotional depths of our being. We have allowed words, deeds, and thoughts to destroy, a little bit at a time, what was designed to be amazing. We let the world, pornography, and our sins tell us what is right and what is wrong. We should listen to the One who created everything perfectly. He made us. We messed it up. If we think about just how messed up we are, we begin to understand why our spouse may not like us all that much right now. Why she does not want to be intimate with me. We cannot fix it, but we can make it better.
Be humble, say, “I am sorry,” be sincere. Try to be as good, great, and holy as you can. Most of us have heard someone say, “I don’t deserve you.” That statement has more truth in it then we realize. (I sure know that my wife deserves better.) God wanted us to have the best. THE ABSOLUTE BEST! When we sin, we instead give a marred and broken version of what God intended to be the perfect.
God has ordained intimacy in marriage for us to enjoy each other and give each other pleasure in so, so many ways. To enjoy each others bodies. Don’t let that gift be corrupted, marred, and broken. Understand the gift the God intended it to be. Please, do not let the outside world ruin it as I did.
Guys, God intended your wife to have a perfect gift; you are a marred version of that gift. Are you man enough to say that you are sorry? And better yet, every day try to be whom God intended you to be? Here is a great place to get the resources to learn and grow into the man God intended you to be. It has helped me in a massive way. http://www.familylife.com/
Ladies, God also intended you to be a perfect gift. Your body is, in my opinion, God’s most amazing creation–all of it, including your mind, as a whole. You can serve both God and your husband and be that amazing creation as a whole that God intended you to be. Yes, we as men are jerks (God calls us sinners.), and no, we don’t deserve what you have to give. God calls us to be people who bring glory to Him, and He wants you to enjoy love and physical intimacy the way He designed it. Will you look past your husband and see what God has intended for good? Or are you going to let the enemy have the gift that God has given you? You have the power to decide.